
Hello, little one, what are you looking for? >///<
FT Island's Lee Jae Jin has successfully retained his adorable-ness even after a decade in the passing. While most of us hold up our baby photos and lament how much we have changed and grown- from the cherubic little angels with youth glowing blissfully upon our faces to the forlorn, much more matured faces that we hold now. Indeed, I have grown too. When I think about how I was before, so ignorant to everything, so indulged in everything that I did, not knowing really what I did... Sometimes, perhaps, to be that kind of person was the ideal.
When I was young, I was very innocent. People all say that I'm innocent even now, however I think this is attributed to my muddle-headed personality; not knowing anything. When I was young, I had more determination. If I said I wanted something, I'd really set down my heart to do it. I was more meticulous about things, and I was much more good-tempered and mature than I actually am right now. Have I transformed into a devil? My guess is: most probably.
Yet, what's the use of crying over spilt milk? I have come to accept the demoness that resides in the depths of my heart- waiting for the chance to charge and overwhelm my body, taking full reign.
All these aside, 2011 had not been exactly... refreshing. When time flies past before your eyes, and another new year dawns... Sometimes, it does not really feel like a year has really passed. 2010 for me passed in a blink of an eye. What did I do in 2010? My memories are vague, almost as though nothing of much significance really occurred.
The first few weeks weren't any different than how they have always been. Yet, this year, I have decided that I have to start accomplishing something. And I have decided to take my first few steps to establishing myself firmly on the net as a good writer. I want to be able to finish many things. The time for me to fly out of cosy warm nest is encroaching- and I have to start preparing for that time. This timid, reliant personality has to be pushed to an inconspicous area and forgotten.
Just in the first week of the new school term, I have lost my girl-magnet. Oh yes, I have allowed it to slip right through my fingers. I have always been with... blessed; do you call this a blessing I'm not sure- but either way I have always been sitting with gals for the majority of my school life.
When Mdm Wan changed my seat, I was actually wondering who I have ended up with, and when I realized it was Kai Wei I was actually a little astonished. Well, if there was a reason behind it, it would be because Kai Wei is all-rounded, while I... sucked terribly in my Maths and Sciences. So, probably, in a sense he's there as motivation and help?
Kai Wei is a fun person to be with, just that he's really the chatterbox everyone claims him to be. I envy his intelligence, something that I know I can never possess- he can talk throughout a lesson without listening to what the teacher is saying and yet still know how to answer all the questions without much difficulty. I bet he studies a lot at home, even though he keeps insisting that he doesn't.
But sometimes I find that the seating arrangement is a mismatch. You see, I don't really feel comfortable talking to guys. It's not that I have some kind of phobia or guy-hatred, it's just my personality, preferring to keep things to myself and probably to my friends. So, actually, me and him, it's like a robot talking to a log. Everytime I answer him it'd be something stashed with incomprehensible language. Well, I'm used to saying things in formal language, that's why at times, I allow myself to be set free and say whatever I want. Generally, I'm quiet.
For Chinese Orchestra- we've been set in full gear for the SYF. Though, most probably, most people can feel the tension. But I can. And I'm sure all the sheng-ers can. We only have one zhongyinsheng left for three freaking people to play, and we do not even have enough time to practise on it. If they return us too late, all of us are screwed. Seriously, SCREWED. Of all the months we spent begging the teachers to send them for repairs, the repair really did come late. I can't believe that Swiss Cottage, a pretty good school, can be so desperate for some money.
My instrument is already struggling for the Chinese New Year performance. I doubt I can really play the song by Chinese New Year, there's 2 freaking songs with beats that I'm foreign to- so fast and so many different fingerings, and the song is actually really long. Mr. Low kept stating that the Chinese New Year songs were so easy- I would like to see him try our instrument. I know my instrument is easy to play, but try to memorize it. You'd have such a terrible time, and plus the beat is VERY fast for both songs. I lack the technique to go up on stage, and Jia Min lacks the confidence to go up on stage. Moreover, Ting Peng doesn't really want to go on stage? He hasn't even practising the CNY songs. Only one of us can go since there's only one instrument. So I'm wondering, what to do?
If this keeps up, we are all screwed for SYF. Seriously. And I have SSP as well. I am already wasting lots of time for Chinese Orchestra practice, and I have a hard time trying to catch up with fast songs!
...
Recently, I've been hearing and seeing things.
Yes, I'm starting to lose my sanity.
Everywhere I go, I can hear his voice. I can see his face.
His image is just like a lingering, persistent ghost that has detached from its original body and left to wander around, bugging me.