Okay, blogging once again, since basically today is the last day the tachers are going to see us, until the exams are over. It feels great knowing holidays are just around the corner. I mean- really, before you know it, holidays are here. And just the thought of me playing around during the holidays really elevates my enthusiasm. But still, my morale for studying is still stuck at somewhere below, but I'm trying! I'm really trying... ><

So, yes, even though I made a pact to myself yesterday that I should stay up and get more from my Tsubasa, who just happens to be the first chap in OTOME guys and a dateable, hot one to make me laugh so much, I fell asleep ultimately. Like to hell with me. I mean, his voice actor... Some English name I have unfortunately forgot is totally awesome. The way he actually went about going "SHIT!" "BEAUTIFUL!" is seriously fantastic. There's no way I could ever forget those times I just kept replaying those voice areas just to hear him repeat that English word over and over again. Yes- I'm seriously obsessed with that voice. XDD As much as I'm obsessed with the teacher- Masaki Sanada's and his voice actor- Daisuke Sakaeguchi. "Yuuh! Sensei!" In his very cool and hyper tone... I really love it! I'm looking forward to more voice acting by him!

So yea, reached school pretty late, and like usual, as soon as I stepped out of my father's lorry, I sprained my ankle. SURPRISINGLY. Maybe someone is actually reciting some sort of curse directed at me since I'm just such a deserves-to-be-hated and nefarious girl. Went to class, remembered that I have yet to draw the palm tree for Sherlyn and got down to pencil again. Then I hurriedly folded the paper and held it with me while all of us went for the Hall. So waited for the prefects to get dismissed, and then passed her the paper while continuously saying, "Seriously, my drawing sucks. I'm not drawing palm trees again, MAN!"

SKIP SKIP SKIP. Until recess. Afiq and Siuhui started writing that I love Jerome on the board in front of Jerome and I was like, WTF. Then I was doing Maths, so I basically carried around my calculator and erased off the stuffs from the board. By then, people like Keith, Jun Rong and Kenny have already saw those things on the board, and instead of harassing Jerome, which might have been a better choice, they chose to tease me about it, and I was like... "URGH..." Saying things like, "Peiyun, I know your heart aches when you erase that thing from the whiteboard and I felt like seizing their lips because Jerome was just right behind. Instead I went, "WHAT?" and pretended I heard nothing.

Afterwards we got back our History and Maths results. For history, I still couldn't get the A1 I wanted, so I had no choice anyway, other than working very hard for SA2, and the exam just happens to be next monday, so I need to buck up. I was missing... 2 marks. So yea, now you all know my marks. LOL. For Maths, when Mr. Lim was calling out the names he wanted to meet, I was appalled he didn't call mine, because I thought I should have failed despite all those additional marks that he added in for us. But who knew, I had miraculously passed by 1 mark. Still amongst the last few anyway. And then the worst event for the day happened.

I know I somehow shouldn't be putting this up, but then... Maybe I should. If she gets mad at me over this... Then I shall have no choice by then.

So, was preparing to go home with whoever I could find. While turning behind to see if Siuhui was going to meet Mr. Clayton (I figured maybe I could wait for her or something and we could walk home) she just told me she was going to pon, and then rushed out of the classroom, and Mr. Clayton was like screaming after her. Then, Mr. Clayton averted his attention onto me and I smiled back at him while staring at the door Siuhui ran out from. Then Mr. Clayton told me, "Peiyun, go get Siuhui back." So I was like, WHY ME? Then I was like, Siuhui will never be found. She can be anywhere... So after taking back my books that Yitian had snatched away, I was leaving school with Dorothy, until I remembered that I have yet to give Miss Rina my Literature Assignment and me and Dorothy went over to hand it up.

Then when we were about to leave, we saw Siuhui and Huiling talking to Miss Lam, so I thought I could at least get her to go back, because I kinda figured Mr. Clayton would be waiting for her, and I didn't want Mr. Clayton to start telling Miss Lam about what Siuhui did, and then Miss Lam in turn will look them up again etc etc, so I screamed at Siuhui who was trying to run from me that Mr. Clayton was still in class and should be waiting for her. Then Miss Lam obviously heard me, and turned around to ask me what happened. I told her, and Miss Lam stopped them. Then while walking back Siuhui seemed pissed off at me and was like, "WHY MUST YOU TELL HER?"

Somehow at that point I wanted to rattle out everything, and try to prove that I was just trying to help, and that I was just innocent, but in the end, all I said was, "Mr. Clayton wanted me to look for you just now." I know somehow no matter how hard I explain some things just cannot get into the head of a friend who thinks you had just betrayed her. So afterwards, me and Dorothy just left.

I went home, and could finally eat ice cream. Was elated. Then saw I had one unread SMS. Opened it up, and my heart skipped a beat. Oh, the thing I had expected to see, a SMS from Siuhui, asking why I wanted to betray her. I was appreciative that her tone in the SMS wasn't like she was very fierce, if not I could have gone boiling mad and sent back an equally fierce SMS. Because well, I'm the type of person who loves to retaliate when I think I'm really not in the absolute wrong. Maybe you can call me, someone who just loves her face. So Siuhui was like saying, "Why must you tell Miss Lam? I know you are scoring good for your Maths now, and then you like Mr. Clayton and you want to make him happy. But is it really such a big responbility that you must say it? I don't know how to face you now, lol."

When I read the SMS, I was like... trying my best to smile. Trying my best to keep cool, after all, I figured someday I'd anger Siuhui too, with my personality. And I've realized nowadays that me and Siuhui seems distant too. Maybe its because our personalities aren't the same. Siuhui is the type of playful girl who just loves to have fun, is really hyper and really friendly, while I'm the quiet, and guai-guai type who's not really that friendly and always looks like I'm gonna attempt a carnage and murder a whole load of humans.

And with a heart that held a mixture of feelings, I pressed back a reply that I hoped could settle things. "Okay. You can be angry at me and hate me 4 all u wan." this was my first sentence, and the rest was basically me retaliating once again. And the last sentence, "Plus, we could stop being friends and I could stop talking to u if it helps u." I mean, the easiest resort. I know she was upset with me for betraying her, and siding with the teachers, so it was the only way out. Expect me to say, "Let's sit down and nicely chat about it." Like as if anything would come out of it. I'm bad at those, and it's hard to convince someone who thinks you betrayed her. So, afterwards, I started singing while waiting for her reply.

Her reply came. And she told me she doesn't want to think about it, and wants to be NORMAL friends with me. And says she thinks I don't mind about it anyway. Even though I had my slight ambiguities about what she meant, I replied anyway. I deduced that her capitalised "normal" meant she did not want to be close friends with me anymore. I could understand that. But the I don't mind about it... Does that refer to the incident, or what? The way I'm treating the friendship with her?

I don't know how life's going to turn about with this argument with a close friend, but I know arguments had to come sooner or later. I know now, in the class, I barely have anyone that I can be as close to as Siuhui, since I'm one of those extra-unpopular girls. But I figured that is something I have to face sooner or later. To be frank, I don't mind being a loner. I mean, I have always been alone. It's not like it matters a big deal to me if anyone is going to friend me or not, because I know, I'm just a girl everyone will grow to hate.

Taking things openly is basically one of my traits. That's why I'm basically a slacker, since I always think that it's going to be okay. That applies this time too, taking this argument as, "it's going to be okay." I mean, I myself think that facing Siuhui might be a little awkward and I might start being cold to her, but... What can I do, seriously?

Okay, anyway, Tsubasa seriously rocks! I mean, his love story in the entire game was like FANTASTIC. The way he confessed to the main girl was SHIOK beyond words. My favorite for now. I like Hajime too, since he's basically those type of cool-rock guys, with a muscular body that I simply love. *cough* perverted much, peiyun?


Mucho love,

P E I Y U N

-EDIT-

REPLIES:

Hmm... Well, thanks for that load of words you gave. As per usual, there are still some parts that I can't really understand what you are implying but it's okay. (The parts that I don't get are the parts that I didn't reply. Basically, I'm replying to everything you typed.)

All right... Maybe I did use the word 'betrayal' wrongly. I guess at that point of time only this word surfaced in my mind, and I just used it, since it can still be counted as some kind of betrayal. Not those kind of betrayal you had, I guess. But still, to me, it can be classified under the category of "Betray".

I don't deny the acrid truth that I'm basically very hard to accost. Yes, because I'm a quiet person. And recently, I didn't feel like talking much. I only liked smiling, and mumbling to myself, miraculously. (Yes, I'm a top-noched freak.)And whenever I saw you, sometimes I felt like saying something, but in the end, something will put me off. Something that even I don't know what it is. And I just end up keeping my mouth shut. Tightly sealed. It's true Dorothy finds it hard to talk to me, because I don't feel like talking to her either. And thus, all these conclude with one thing- I'm seriously a weird person who has weird feelings and is very quiet, unless my mood is right and I do have something to talk about.)

For me and you, we don't have much to talk about. Sometimes I really want to talk to you about something, but then I realize, there's nothing to talk about other than the random few stuffs. Maybe it's because we don't share a lot in common. And personally, I don't deny the fact that I'm not fit enough to be your best friend, or even your friend. Because I'm just the kind of person who barely speaks unless there's something for me to speak about. For this, I apologize here.

It's easy for me to pretend nothing had happened, but it's hard for me to just lead on having that mindset. Now I really think that I'm not supposed to be your friend. I really feel this way. Maybe you take things more openly than I do after all. xDD But well, anyway, this doesn't mean I'd go around showing a glum face. It just means that I need time to finally gain back the right feelings.

It might be hard, but let's try to keep it up once again. When I think back now, there were times we were really happy together, playing around and everything. Now it just needs time, because I know, something is seriously wrong with me. Maybe it's part of growing up. (Or maybe it's just some stupid excuse I thought of while typing this.) it will be awkward, definitely, for now we sit either in front of each other and behind each other; very close to each other.

This thing concludes here once and for all. I'd be happy to reply to your replies if you have any. And like what I said, here I am, once again, retaliating, making sure the other party knows how I feel. Seriously, I suck big time. There's no doubt about it.